Tuesday, 18 September 2012

To be...

Being a Mum is so hard sometimes. I lose patience too quickly. Become angry too much. I lose focus from the big picture that is a beautiful, delicate soul. A tender tiny life that is barely even budding. I have so many expectations on myself of who I should be able to be. Me being that, depends on my daughters behaving a certain way, needing or not needing different things. And sometimes, it is just too unfair to expect this of them in order to satisfy my own selfish gain. I always remember. Sometimes it's too late. Sometimes it's not. Tell you what, our kids are so forgiving.

It feels like a never-ending circle. Of the same mistakes. It's easy to get down on myself about what an inadequate mother I am. I want to focus on the positives more. And not be so hard on myself. Because that's when I turn hard on my kids.

When I step back and think, I'm not sure even what I want my life to look like, so I'm not sure why I'm so unsatisfied. I am so fortunate and I want to embrace remembering that. Everyday mothering is monotonous, all-consuming, sometimes lonely, tiring. But I want to focus on the part of it that is two tiny lives learning to be. Learning to love and discover. I don't want to forget to watch that. They are so precious, and if I'm not careful they'll be gone.


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