Anyhow, she was encouraged by my honesty about my mothering journey. We had a lovely chat, with me being kid free for the first time in a long time! Gee what a difference it makes to how a conversation can go!!
I am trying to make steps to better my mental state and physical health. To have time out, space, and friends. I am struggling, which is hard to admit because I have grown up strong and able. For the first time in my life, I have days where I wonder if I'll actually make it through.
My oldest daughter has rather significant delays in certain areas, and though she is the most darling, thoughtful, loving beauty, it is getting increasingly harder to look after her and know how to help her. It feels like every day I am asked to have the patience of one thousand Mums, and I'm not sure that I have enough left for even one. I hate feeling like this. I really do. I feel quite out of control. Helpless. But I am trying to make positive steps.
Needing to be weak, but also having people rely on you for their daily living...it turns into a rather complex emotion. I know all the truths. It will get easier. I am doing my best. I love my kids dearly. And that's what they need most. Sometimes knowing this makes a difference, but sometimes it doesn't too. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this. So thought I'd share it, so we can all know that we're ok....
On a lighter note, but still just as honest...here's a picture of my creating space from that same afternoon.
The girls have a blast unpacking things 'for' me, and discovering all the textural treats. Usually I try to tame it a little. But this day they were having such fun and amusing themselves so well, I just let them go for it while I finished off a brooch. Just one way I am trying to make the most of my opportunities....it's worth the clean up afterwards, almost always...