Wednesday, 10 September 2008

me in a new world

we've been back in australia for a month now. that's crazy. life flies by so very fast. i miss thailand. the fresh, friendly landscape, friends, family, community. life here is vastly different. it is hard to have my heatr in two places. i feel very torn between two rather different lives, and am trying to figure out how i can be 'me' in both cultures. i am trying to be gentle on myself. when we first got back i was very harsh on me. it always interests me that it is so difficult to be ones self. to live what is real and important to us. why is it so hard? i am not going to let myself fall into the daily grind, the expectations of the western world and the tiredness that it all brings. in so many ways, tiredness. i want the things i value and care about to become the bulk of what i spend my time on. this is what i'm learning. this is what i'm trying to be. and do.

i am craving to create again. our 'stuff' has been messy but is slowly getting sorted now. when i find the foot of my sewing machine, i have big dreams for some material, button, necklace delights. one thing about australia that does excite me is op shops, i have already found some great bargains, and spent my time looking at (and purchasing!) buttons. i am a sucker for buttons. i am excited to sew. and go through my stash of goodies, some which i haven't seen in a long time. i want to learn to nurture my creative spirit, that creating can be what i go to my heart it always is, but in my body it is easy to be distracted. it fascinates, confuses and frustrates me, how i distract myself from what i love the most. this is what i mean about learning to embrace give myself a chance to come alive, and not squash the things that mean something to me.

i met a super friendly sudanese guy, godfrey, at the bus stop today. he made my day brighter. he had a lovely smile.